Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

Most households experience sibling rivalry or competition between brothers and sisters. It is normal and appropriate to some extent, but it becomes a matter of concern when it causes unfavorable changes in the siblings' relationships with one another.

An overly protective attitude toward one sibling, a gender bias, or giving more importance to one child because he or she performs better may create unfavorable undercurrents among siblings and lead to unhealthy competition.

The birth of a second child in the family may also signal the beginning of rivalry. The firstborn finds it difficult to comprehend that there is someone with whom he or she must share his or her parents' devotion. There is a sense of bereavement and alienation. This dissatisfaction and grief may end in a wish to hurt the newcomer.

Perhaps only parents can assist their children to overcome their hatred toward the newcomer. They can accomplish this by preparing the elder kid for the coming of a new family member. To compensate for the mother's incapacity to do so, the father may spend extra time with the older kid. There would be less room for rivalry if both siblings received adequate attention.

Parents must avoid making comparisons between their children at all costs, because each one is unique, with distinct talents and abilities. Petty disagreements between youngsters should be resolved among themselves. When things get out of hand, parents should step in. Furthermore, establishing family relationships and including youngsters in family activities and trips is the greatest method to overcome sibling rivalry. However, if the competition becomes dangerous, professional assistance should be sought.